Tag: fear

Posted in Confidence

Building Confidence #3: Embracing Failure for Growth

Posted on by HOLLY STEVENS

Hold up your head! You were not made for failure. You were made for VICTORY! Go forward with a joyful confidence.

George Eliot

Are you feeling ready to befriend the fears that are holding you back? Are you prepared to let those fears become stepping stones? Will they guide your journey of passion and purpose in your life now?

We have all had failures in our journey this far in life, and if you haven’t, well… I’m afraid life is passing you by. Those failures we’ve had do not make any of us failures! On the contrary, we can actually use our failures. All the obstacles that have been in our way have helped to BUILD our Self-Confidence. We need to find the gift of growth each failure has blessed us with.

Each of us has a POWER within that is GREATER than ANYTHING we have gone through. It is also GREATER than anything we will ever go through. As we’ve discovered, we have ALL experienced failure, that my friend, is what allows us to be HUMAN. We don’t get it ‘right’ every time. That is impossible. When we do fail, we can see and use the OPPORTUNITY to gain wisdom, understanding, growth and strength.

From the moment we were born into this life, we have faced and overcame obstacles! As I mentioned in Confidence #2 post, we relied on the infinite to overcome one of our very first obstacles. This was about communicating our basic needs. Being fed, diaper changed, letting our caregiver know that we are uncomfortable. We learned to fall asleep on our own, learning to sit up, crawl, walk, talk, to tying our shoes. We’ve all put our shirt on backwards, or inside out while learning to dress ourselves. We’ve all put our shoes on the wrong feet. For a young adult, learning to read a map involves challenges. They take the wrong turn. Running out of gas can happen when becoming a responsible {Response-Able} adult. Generally there was never a second thought that these were failures or that we were a failure because of them. It’s OKAY that we made mistakes along the way.

Nobody ever likes to “get it wrong.” Messing up is not fun, it can cause headaches, heartaches, and stress. There have been a mistake so painful that we choose not to ever think about it again. Yet it replays in our minds repeatedly. Sometimes even unconsciously. Over time, sometimes days, sometimes years, our self-confidence dissipates. We give up because we feel as though we will never “get it right.” We think, what’s the use? There is indeed a useful part of failure – every perceived failure has a seed of success planted within it. We MUST be willing to look for it. We have to understand one crucial thing. We must trust that it is okay to get it wrong on the path to getting it right.

We have experienced many small failures accumulating over time. Alternatively, we feel we have encountered a significant failure. We have had failures, but we are NOT a failure. “Failure” is just simply a meaning that we have placed on a situation that we have had. We have the POWER within us to re-frame any experience. This serves us and grants us self-confidence. It does this instead of tearing us down. Every time something doesn’t work out or goes differently than we envisioned, we try it again another way. We do this until it works. That, my friend, is simply the BLESSING and GIFT OF GROWTH! This is another part of gaining wisdom.

The expansive feeling comes from growing and expanding through failure. It also involves understanding that we do NOT ALWAYS have to “get it right” or be perfect. We can think about a particular circumstance that did not turn out the way we had hoped. Through reflection, we can see that we are MORE than that event. We are MORE than that circumstance. We have gained wisdom…

OK, now, take a deep breath and hear what I am about to say… you feel discouraged and even worried that thinking about failures will only cause more feelings of failure. We DON’T stay there, we DON’T focus on the failure, we acknowledge it and we set it aside. Remember, this is about BUILDING SELF-CONFIDENCE. Learn how the Power within us is greater than ANYTHING we have gone through. It is greater than anything we will ever go through.

Be GRATEFUL for this (failure) experience to learn, for it is the seed that was planted. Now, just be still, see, and even listen all while being open to the growth of your Self-Confidence.

Here is a recap of what I have learned, utilizing myself and furthermore want to share with you:

  • I have had failure, that does NOT make me a failure, failure does NOT have me. I AM more than ANY failure I have ever had!
  • EVERY failure has within it, a seed of greater advantage.
  • I can set down any ideas I’ve had about failure. I am GRATEFUL for yet another learning, growing, strengthening day in my life.
  • Failure is simply another opportunity for me to learn.
  • Learning is done through trial and error. I started learning that way from day one of my life. It is still the same today. I get it right and get it wrong, figuring it out as I go.
  • The learning through success is EQUAL to learning from failure. BOTH inform us. BOTH guide us. BOTH make us MORE of who we are capable of being!
  • NO ONE is exempt from failure. Everyone of us has experienced it in one form or another. It is simply part of being HUMAN!
  • As children, it was taken for granted that we should make mistakes. As adults, we have adopted the thinking that we should get it right all the time.
  • Some of the most accomplished individuals, had some of the most massive failures, yet, they DID NOT GIVE UP!

Here are three things that have been suggested I do on a continual basis, reminding me that obstacles are opportunities:

  1. Writing out in my journal at least 10 successes that I have had in life. I start with early achievements like learning to walk and tying my shoes.
  2. Remember this affirmation: “it is OKAY to get it wrong.” You will find the right way eventually.
  3. Whenever something does not go as I had planned, I can neutralize it. I realize that it is simply something that happened.

The next step I will share with you in Confidence #4 post is Clear, Confident Decision Maker. We have connected with the part of us that puts fear and failure into its proper perspective. Now, we are moving into Clear, Confident Decision Making. Here, we will offer a simple strategy. This strategy is powerful for making decisions. These decisions are in service to the highest good. We have used this skill many times without even realizing it. The good news is, we will now know what it really is. We will also know how to develop and strengthen it. Just a little secret I want to share with you… it only takes practice!

Here’s to GROWING and STRENGTHENING our AUTHENTIC Self-Confidence, with wisdom, power, passion, and purpose!!

Holly

Posted in Confidence

Understanding Confidence #2: Empowering Your Growth

Posted on by HOLLY STEVENS

Each time we face our fear, we gain strength, courage and confidence in the doing.

Theodore Roosevelt

Now that we are clear about what True Authentic Self-Confidence is, we understand what it is not. We also know where it comes from. We understand that we all feel a lack of confidence at times. This often happens when we try something new. Fear can cause us to stop moving forward, yet, we can have fear WITHOUT fear having us! Confidence is not the absence of fear – it is continuing to grow and move forward despite the fear. We can grow and strengthen our confidence muscles by doing things that scare us. And we can also learn to step into fear, and actually befriend it.

We gain new strength when we understand what fear really is. We also gain strength by understanding what confidence really is. This strength overcomes doubts and worries. These are the doubts and worries that have kept us stuck in our current circumstances. Knowing confidence is NOT the absences of fear. Self-Confidence is growing and moving PAST FEAR, and towards our calling from the Infinite.

We recall moments of achievement. These arise when we look back over our lives. This happened because we took that risk, and we SUCCEEDED! Taking action is sometimes the greatest satisfaction, especially when we are doing it afraid. Fear is a real part of life. No one doesn’t face fear in their life. We must understand, fear is not just a phobia of spiders, snakes, bugs, etc. Fear can be a fear of heights or confined spaces. It can manifest in being in front of people or even driving on an unknown road. The fear we experience most of the time is much more subtle. It steals our confidence. Sometimes we aren’t even fully aware of it. It keeps us stuck. It causes us to question ourselves, thoughts of “what if I’m not good enough?”, “What if I don’t like what I learn about myself?”, “what if others don’t agree?”, “Is this really even possible?”. We MUST REMEMBER we are NOT ALONE feeling this way.

As we pursue our passion and purpose in our life, we long to live a life we love. We will face new territory. There will be new people, new places, and different ‘things’ we have never experienced before. This can make us feel afraid to take the next step. The TRUTH is, we ALL feel a lack of confidence when trying something new. Fear creates a physical and emotional response. These responses can cause us to stop moving forward. Unfortunately, up until now, we have let them. Now that we have a better understanding of Self-Confidence, we realize it is our connection to the Infinite. We KNOW we have CONFIDENCE already WITHIN US. We can befriend fear, move beyond it, and continue moving forward with passion and purpose. THERE IS A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN US HAVING FEAR, AND FEAR HAVING US!

This my friends is how we GROW CONFIDENCE muscles! We do the things that scare us. Continually pushing through challenges. By doing so, leading us to a higher version of our SELF. When we step into our greatness, we will undoubtedly have fear. Still, we CAN make friends with that fear. This creates another stepping stone in our path or a brick in our foundation. The One breathing us will ALWAYS help us find the confidence and courage when WE SEEK IT.

Here is a recap of what I have learned, utilizing myself and also want to share with you so you can do the same:

  • I grow MY CONFIDENCE by feeding MY FAITH and starving my fear.
  • The voice of fear is ALWAYS the voice of contraction, living a smaller version of myself.
  • Knowing and believing that Confidence is my birthright.
  • To pursue my purpose and passion, is not only reaching for the goal, it is achieving strength in my confidence.
  • I can feel the fear and do it anyway!
  • Fear is in the future. Doubt is from the past. Worry is the misuse of my imagination. CONFIDENCE IS IN ME ALWAYS!
  • Fear is actually the border of the reality that I know.
  • With my growing, expanding confidence, I have learned the difference between having fear and fear having me.
  • I must be aware that fear speaks through distraction, dissuasion and distress.
  • Fear is my companion as I grow, and I CAN make friends with that voice of fear!

There are a couple of things that were suggested that I do when I feel that fear is “moving in”

  1. Write down my fear thoughts, and ask myself “Is that actually happening RIGHT NOW?”
  2. Engage with gratitude! Which choices can I be grateful for in THIS MOMENT?

I will share the next step in the Confidence #3 post: Turning Obstacles into Opportunities. We have identified our Authentic Self-Confidence. We know it’s a trustworthy source. Fear has absolutely no hold on us. Ask yourself this: Can we take our experience of “failure” and use it for growth? Can it expand our confidence to pursue our purpose and passion? Failure is nothing to be ashamed of; it is nothing less than a stepping stone. Were you a failure every time you fell down while learning to walk? Absolutely not! We can be inspired by some of the most famous failure-to-success stories out there.

Here’s to learning to FEED OUR FAITH, and starve our fear!!

Holly