Tag: failure

Posted in Confidence

Confidence #3

Posted on by HOLLY STEVENS

Hold up your head! You were not made for failure. You were made for VICTORY! Go forward with a joyful confidence.

George Eliot

Are you feeling ready to befriend the fears that are holding you back? Are you ready to allow those fears to be stepping stones in your journey of passion and purpose in your life now?

We have all had failures in our journey this far in life, and if you haven’t well… I’m afraid life is passing you by. Those failures we’ve had, do not make any of us failures! So on the contrary – we can actually utilize our failures, and all the obstacles that have been in our way have been there to BUILD our Self-Confidence. We need to identify the gift of growth each failure has blessed us with.

There is a POWER within each of us that is GREATER than ANYTHING we have gone through, or will ever go through. As we’ve discovered, we have ALL experienced failure, that my friend, is what allows us to be HUMAN. We don’t get it ‘right’ every time, that is impossible, when we do fail, we can see and use the OPPORTUNITY to gain wisdom, understanding, growth and strength.

From the moment we were born into this life, we have faced and overcame obstacles! As I have mentioned in Confidence #2 post, we had to rely on the infinite to get us around one of our very first obstacles, communication of getting our basic needs met. Being fed, diaper changed, letting our caregiver know that we are uncomfortable. We learned to fall asleep on our own, learning to sit up, crawl, walk, talk, to tying our shoes. We’ve all put our shirt on backwards, or inside out while learning to dress ourselves. We’ve all put our shoes on the wrong feet. To a young adult learning to read a map, taking the wrong turn, or even running out of gas when we were learning to become a responsible {Response-Able} adult. Generally there was never a second thought that these were failures or that we were a failure because of them. It’s OKAY that we made mistakes along the way.

Nobody ever likes to “get it wrong.” Messing up is not fun, it can cause headaches, heartaches, and stress. There may have been a mistake so painful that we have choose to try to not ever think about it again, yet it replays again and again in our minds. Sometimes even unconsciously. Over time, (sometimes days, sometimes years) our self-confidence dissipates, and we give up because we feel as though we will never “get it right,” thinking what’s the use? There is indeed a useful part of failure – every perceived failure has a seed of success planted within it. We MUST be willing to look for it. We have to understand and trust that it is okay to get it wrong along the path to getting it right.

Whether we have had a bunch of little failures that keep adding up, or we feel like we have failed significantly… we have had failures, however, we are NOT a failure. “Failure” is just simply a meaning that we have placed on a situation that we have had. When we put it into reality, we have the POWER within us to re-frame any experience to serve us and grant us self-confidence, opposed to tearing us down. Every time something doesn’t work out or go the way we had visioned, leads us to trying it again, another way, until it does work — that my friend is simply the BLESSING and GIFT OF GROWTH! This is another part of gaining wisdom.

The expansive feeling of growing and expanding through failure, understanding and knowing that we do NOT ALWAYS have to “get it right” or be perfect. If we choose to reflect on a particular circumstance that did not turn out the way we had hoped or wanted it to, we can recognize that we are MORE than that event or circumstance. We have gained wisdom…

OK, now, take a deep breath and hear what I am about to say… you may feel discouraged and even worried that thinking about failures will only cause more feelings of failure. We DON’T stay there, we DON’T focus on the failure, we acknowledge it and we set it aside. Remember, this is about BUILDING SELF-CONFIDENCE and learning how the Power within us is greater than ANYTHING we have gone through or will ever go through.

Be GRATEFUL for this (failure) experience to learn, for it is the seed that was planted. Now, just be still, see, and even listen all while being open to the growth of your Self-Confidence.

Here is a recap of what I have learned, utilizing myself and in addition want to share with you:

  • I have had failure, that does NOT make me a failure, failure does NOT have me. I AM more than ANY failure I have ever had!
  • EVERY failure has within it, a seed of greater benefit.
  • I can set down any ideas I’ve had about failure, and be GRATEFUL for yet another learning, growing, strengthening day in my life.
  • Failure is simply another opportunity for me to learn.
  • Learning is done through trial and error, I started learning that way from day one of my life, it is still the same today – getting it right and getting it wrong, figuring it out as I go.
  • The learning through success is EQUAL to learning from failure. BOTH inform us. BOTH guide us. BOTH make us MORE of who we are capable of being!
  • NO ONE is exempt from failure. Everyone of us has experienced it in one form or another. It is simply part of being HUMAN!
  • As children, it was taken for granted that we could and should make mistakes, as adult bodies, we have adopted the thinking that we should get it right all the time.
  • Some of the most accomplished individuals, had some of the most massive failures, however, they DID NOT GIVE UP!

Here are three things that have been suggested I do on a continual basis, reminding me that obstacles are opportunities:

  1. Writing out in my journal at least 10 successes that I have had in life, beginning as early as learning to walk, and tie my shoes.
  2. Keep this affirmation in front of me: “it is OKAY to get it wrong on the way to getting it right.
  3. When ever something does not go as I had planned, I CAN neutralize it by realizing that it is simply SOMETHING that happened.

The next step I will share with you in Confidence #4 post is Clear, Confident Decision Maker. Now that we have connected with the part of us that puts fear and failure in to it’s proper perspective, we are moving into Clear, Confident Decision Making. Here we will have a simple yet powerful strategy for helping to make decisions that are in service to the highest good. We have used this skill many of times, not even realizing it, the good news is, we will now know what it really is, developing it and strengthening it. Just a little secret I want to share with you… it only takes a bit of practice!

Here’s to GROWING and STRENGTHENING our AUTHENTIC Self-Confidence, with wisdom, power, passion, and purpose!!

Holly

Posted in Confidence

Confidence #2

Posted on by HOLLY STEVENS

Each time we face our fear, we gain strength, courage and confidence in the doing.

Theodore Roosevelt

Now that we are clear about what True Authentic Self-Confidence is, and what it is not, and where it comes from… We have came to the understanding that we all, at times, feel a lack of Confidence when we try something new. Fear can cause us to stop moving forward, however, we can have fear WITHOUT fear having us! Confidence is not the absence of fear – it is continuing to grow and move forward despite the fear. We can grow and strengthen our confidence muscles by doing things that scare us. And we can also learn to step into fear, and actually befriend it.

When we come to the understanding of what fear really is, and what confidence really is, we acquire a new strength that overcomes doubts and worries. These are the doubts and worries that have kept us stuck in our current circumstances. Knowing confidence is NOT the absences of fear. Self-Confidence is growing and moving PAST FEAR, and towards our calling from the Infinite.

When we take a moment looking back over our lives, we can all recall a time or two that we had and felt a big sense of accomplishment, all because we took that risk, and we SUCCEEDED! Taking action is sometimes the greatest satisfaction, especially when we are doing it afraid. Fear is a real part of life. No one doesn’t face fear in their life. We must understand, fear is not just a phobia of spiders, snakes, bugs, etc. Fear can show itself in fear of heights, confined spaces, being in front of people, or even driving on an unknown road. The fear we experience most of the time is much more subtle, and steals our confidence, sometimes we aren’t even fully aware of it, keeping us stuck. It causes us to question ourselves, thoughts of “what if I’m not good enough?”, “What if I don’t like what I learn about myself?”, “what if others don’t agree?”, “Is this really even possible?”. We MUST REMEMBER we are NOT ALONE feeling this way.

As we pursue our passion and purpose in our life, longing to live a life we love living, we will encounter new territory – new people, new places, different ‘things’ we have never experienced before. This can make us feel afraid to take the next step. The TRUTH is, we ALL feel a lack of confidence when trying something new. Fear creates a physical and emotional response, these responses can cause us to stop moving forward, and unfortunately, UP UNTIL NOW, we have let them. Now that we have a better understanding of Self-Confidence, that it is our connection to the Infinite, and that is where we KNOW we have CONFIDENCE already WITHIN US, we can befriend fear, move beyond it and continue moving forward with passion and purpose. THERE IS A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN US HAVING FEAR, AND FEAR HAVING US!

This my friends is how we GROW CONFIDENCE muscles! We do the things that scare us. Continually pushing through challenges. By doing so, leading us to a higher version of our SELF. When we step into our greatness, we will undoubtedly have fear, however, we CAN make friends with that fear, creating another stepping stone in our path, or brick in our foundation. The One breathing us will ALWAYS help us find the confidence and courage when WE SEEK IT.

Here is a recap of what I have learned, utilizing myself and in addition want to share with you so you can do the same:

  • I grow MY CONFIDENCE by feeding MY FAITH and starving my fear.
  • The voice of fear is ALWAYS the voice of contraction, living a smaller version of myself.
  • Knowing and believing that Confidence is my birthright.
  • To pursue my purpose and passion, is not only reaching for the goal, it is achieving strength in my confidence.
  • I can feel the fear and do it anyway!
  • Fear is in the future. Doubt is from the past. Worry is the misuse of my imagination. CONFIDENCE IS IN ME ALWAYS!
  • Fear is actually the border of the reality that I know.
  • With my growing, expanding confidence, I have learned the difference between having fear and fear having me.
  • I must be aware that fear speaks through distraction, dissuasion and distress.
  • Fear is my companion as I grow, and I CAN make friends with that voice of fear!

There are a couple of things that were suggested that I do when I feel that fear is “moving in”

  1. Write down my fear thoughts, and ask myself “Is that actually happening RIGHT NOW?”
  2. Engage with gratitude! Which choices can I be grateful for in THIS MOMENT?

The next step I will share with you in Confidence #3 post is Turning Obstacles into Opportunities. Now that we have identified, and know the true source of our Authentic Self-Confidence and that fear has absolutely no hold on us. Ask yourself this question: WHAT IF there is a way of taking our EXPERIENCE of “failure”, use it for growth and expansion of confidence, to pursue our purpose and passion? Failure is nothing to be ashamed of, failure is nothing less than a stepping stone, (were you a failure every time you fell down when you were learning to walk? ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!) We can be inspired by some of the most famous failure-to-success stories out there…

Here’s to learning to FEED OUR FAITH, and starve our fear!!

Holly

Posted in Confidence

Authentic Self-Confidence

Posted on by HOLLY STEVENS

Where does your feeling of confidence come from? The ring on your finger? the vehicle you drive? your job title? your education? your parents/children status/success? the physical possessions you have? where you live? your community status quo?

OR

Does your confidence come from within YOU? Knowing your physical being is in regular close connection with your spiritual being. Understanding your purpose in life. Knowing who you are in confidence, enabling you to overcome fears, learn from failures and make important decisions along the way to creating a life you love living. You understand your DNA of Authentic Self-Confidence, and know the truth of who you are, feeling comfortable and at ease in all areas of your life, no matter what.

In society today, it appears as though there is a misconception of true authentic self-confidence and living from an external ego. Keeping up with the latest and greatest technology for our kids and ourselves to be {the new} social. I’m not referring to the need for technology for academics and work. Having the latest and greatest social apps so that we can communicate 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Without eye contact, body language, and not knowing how to act when “in true person”. Posting pictures that are ‘photo shopped’ and hoping to not ever have to show our real, true self because we could never match up to the techno version we’ve created and put out there… However, that “gap” WILL catch us, and we won’t/can’t ever match up to the electronic version, whether we are aware of it, consciously or unconsciously it is riding on and in us. In turn causing us to live in an ego and defensive based world for ourselves, running from ourselves or maybe even trying to catch ourselves. This creates a double battle within ourselves 24 hours a day 7 days a week…

As my Mentors and Life Coaches have shared with me… I would like to share with you:

Some days we feel like we are on top of and can conquer the world! Other days, we don’t even want to get out of bed. We’ve all felt that way before. What is the difference between those kind of days? Quite often, it is the degree of self-confidence we are feeling at that time. There are many variables that can affect the way we feel about ourselves and our ability to do the things we want to do. It can be as simple as a ‘bad hair day’ or as tough as ‘feeling the pressure’ of living up to others expectations and/or the expectations we’ve put out there ourselves. There is a way to keep those outside influences from impacting our self-image and self confidence. We can have more days we feel powerful and unstoppable from within ourselves. We CAN live with AUTHENTIC SELF-CONFIDENCE empowering ourselves to love life, and love living life.

As I have been taught not only by my teachers, mentors, coaches, but through the hard knocks of life… the TRUTH is; we are spiritual beings having a human experience. It is part of life, that someone will say something insensitive to us that hurts our feelings or embarrasses us. The natural human response is to feel slighted or possibly deeply hurt. It can sometimes snowball as those unkind words play on repeat in our own mind, developing other not so pleasant thinking about ourselves, tearing on our self-esteem. Our self-image can also be affected by the perceptions we have that came from experiences in our childhood, both positive and negative. The key is: not to allow criticism or shame to become a part of our belief about ourselves. The way to do that is to know who we are at our core, living from our core as often as possible, letting it become our pervasive thought process. It is connecting with our inner being, the Infinite side of us, always knowing we are truly more than any situation, circumstance or condition that we encounter. Living the absolute best we can, in any given moment, no matter what is coming AT us. Remembering, a boat can’t sink, unless the water gets inside.

Allowing our physical being to be in close connection with our spiritual being, we then better understand our purpose in life. Authentically knowing who we are, builds confidence, empowering us to overcome fears, learn from failures and make important decisions all while allowing us to love life, and love the life we are living. When we understand the DNA of Authentic Self-Confidence, knowing the truth of who we are, we can feel comfortable, and authentically self-confident in all areas of our life, no matter what is coming at us.

When we commit to taking time to connect with the Power breathing us each and everyday, we will see and feel more than enough authentic confidence to look fear in the face and do nothing less than become friends with it. We must always know that fear doesn’t mean we can’t, it only means we haven’t. Confidence comes only after we choose to do what we were once afraid to do.

Self-Confidence grows from the seeds planted and harvested of overcoming challenges and failures, turning obstacles into opportunities. We must accept and be empowered by defeat, without being defeated. Failure is nothing more than feedback, it is actually showing us there is another way to do things.

As we make a daily decision to take action, building our Authentic Self-Confidence, we will realize Confidence is a choice. We have supreme authority over our OWN DECISIONS. We have dominion over our OWN THOUGHTS. Our THOUGHTS affect our FEELINGS, and in turn our ACTIONS, creating our RESULTS. We are responsible and ‘RESPONSE – ABLE’ for every single thought we think, and move we make. We can be the CLEAR, CONFIDENT decision maker, WHEN we realize that Authentic Self-Confidence is the trait that turns thoughts into action leading to the results we want! Confidently knowing there are no ‘short-cuts’, doing confidently what we must do for ourselves, no matter what anyone else thinks, To be the best we can be, creating the authentic life we want.

You absolutely can grow Authentic Self-Confidence! All that is required is that you pay attention to YOUR ‘Inner Voice’. It all begins on the inside – inside of YOU!

How do you do that? you may ask, just as I was given the opportunity to do, first creating an understanding of what Authentic Self-Confidence is and is not. I will be sharing what I have learned in the next five post about:

  • What I have learned regarding the truth about the source of where self confidence comes from. Discovering what Confidence is, and is not. How to respond when Self-confidence takes a “hit”, allowing it to propel me towards a loving life, rather than to derail.
  • Stepping out of the comfort zone, doing it with confidence. Allowing authentic Confidence to overcome the fears that used to get in the way.
  • Changing perspective on failures in the past, present, and future. No one gets through this life without {experiencing} failure, and it is how I choose to respond to the circumstances that makes the difference in life.
  • I have been taught what the key is to making any important decision. I have made the most important decision I have ever made, with learning a new understanding to help me make any choice in the future with clarity and confidence.
  • This has brought me back full circle to the core of my Self-Confidence, and knowing that my Authentic Self is NOT made by the opinions of others, rather from the inside out of ME. I have been given a secret formula I’ve implemented into my life that some of the world’s most famous people have used to create immense success in their lives and businesses.

I look forward to continuing my journey into greater Authentic Self-confidence and sharing these skills and outcomes with you. I have been blessed with many failures in my life that have created stepping stones for me, however, at the time I could not imagine those failures as blessings. I have been blessed with amazing mentors, coaches, therapist, pastors, friends, confidantes, and many others too, who have helped me recognize the stepping stones, lay them in the correct path, to building the foundation to MY Authentic Core Self, creating Authentic Self-Confidence. It is only through what I have been given, that I am able to give, and I have a great desire to give to others what I have been blessed with…

To Your Authentic Core Self, having Authentic Self-Confidence

Holly