Tag: failure

Posted in Confidence

Building Confidence #3: Embracing Failure for Growth

Posted on by HOLLY STEVENS

Hold up your head! You were not made for failure. You were made for VICTORY! Go forward with a joyful confidence.

George Eliot

Are you feeling ready to befriend the fears that are holding you back? Are you prepared to let those fears become stepping stones? Will they guide your journey of passion and purpose in your life now?

We have all had failures in our journey this far in life, and if you haven’t, well… I’m afraid life is passing you by. Those failures we’ve had do not make any of us failures! On the contrary, we can actually use our failures. All the obstacles that have been in our way have helped to BUILD our Self-Confidence. We need to find the gift of growth each failure has blessed us with.

Each of us has a POWER within that is GREATER than ANYTHING we have gone through. It is also GREATER than anything we will ever go through. As we’ve discovered, we have ALL experienced failure, that my friend, is what allows us to be HUMAN. We don’t get it ‘right’ every time. That is impossible. When we do fail, we can see and use the OPPORTUNITY to gain wisdom, understanding, growth and strength.

From the moment we were born into this life, we have faced and overcame obstacles! As I mentioned in Confidence #2 post, we relied on the infinite to overcome one of our very first obstacles. This was about communicating our basic needs. Being fed, diaper changed, letting our caregiver know that we are uncomfortable. We learned to fall asleep on our own, learning to sit up, crawl, walk, talk, to tying our shoes. We’ve all put our shirt on backwards, or inside out while learning to dress ourselves. We’ve all put our shoes on the wrong feet. For a young adult, learning to read a map involves challenges. They take the wrong turn. Running out of gas can happen when becoming a responsible {Response-Able} adult. Generally there was never a second thought that these were failures or that we were a failure because of them. It’s OKAY that we made mistakes along the way.

Nobody ever likes to “get it wrong.” Messing up is not fun, it can cause headaches, heartaches, and stress. There have been a mistake so painful that we choose not to ever think about it again. Yet it replays in our minds repeatedly. Sometimes even unconsciously. Over time, sometimes days, sometimes years, our self-confidence dissipates. We give up because we feel as though we will never “get it right.” We think, what’s the use? There is indeed a useful part of failure – every perceived failure has a seed of success planted within it. We MUST be willing to look for it. We have to understand one crucial thing. We must trust that it is okay to get it wrong on the path to getting it right.

We have experienced many small failures accumulating over time. Alternatively, we feel we have encountered a significant failure. We have had failures, but we are NOT a failure. “Failure” is just simply a meaning that we have placed on a situation that we have had. We have the POWER within us to re-frame any experience. This serves us and grants us self-confidence. It does this instead of tearing us down. Every time something doesn’t work out or goes differently than we envisioned, we try it again another way. We do this until it works. That, my friend, is simply the BLESSING and GIFT OF GROWTH! This is another part of gaining wisdom.

The expansive feeling comes from growing and expanding through failure. It also involves understanding that we do NOT ALWAYS have to “get it right” or be perfect. We can think about a particular circumstance that did not turn out the way we had hoped. Through reflection, we can see that we are MORE than that event. We are MORE than that circumstance. We have gained wisdom…

OK, now, take a deep breath and hear what I am about to say… you feel discouraged and even worried that thinking about failures will only cause more feelings of failure. We DON’T stay there, we DON’T focus on the failure, we acknowledge it and we set it aside. Remember, this is about BUILDING SELF-CONFIDENCE. Learn how the Power within us is greater than ANYTHING we have gone through. It is greater than anything we will ever go through.

Be GRATEFUL for this (failure) experience to learn, for it is the seed that was planted. Now, just be still, see, and even listen all while being open to the growth of your Self-Confidence.

Here is a recap of what I have learned, utilizing myself and furthermore want to share with you:

  • I have had failure, that does NOT make me a failure, failure does NOT have me. I AM more than ANY failure I have ever had!
  • EVERY failure has within it, a seed of greater advantage.
  • I can set down any ideas I’ve had about failure. I am GRATEFUL for yet another learning, growing, strengthening day in my life.
  • Failure is simply another opportunity for me to learn.
  • Learning is done through trial and error. I started learning that way from day one of my life. It is still the same today. I get it right and get it wrong, figuring it out as I go.
  • The learning through success is EQUAL to learning from failure. BOTH inform us. BOTH guide us. BOTH make us MORE of who we are capable of being!
  • NO ONE is exempt from failure. Everyone of us has experienced it in one form or another. It is simply part of being HUMAN!
  • As children, it was taken for granted that we should make mistakes. As adults, we have adopted the thinking that we should get it right all the time.
  • Some of the most accomplished individuals, had some of the most massive failures, yet, they DID NOT GIVE UP!

Here are three things that have been suggested I do on a continual basis, reminding me that obstacles are opportunities:

  1. Writing out in my journal at least 10 successes that I have had in life. I start with early achievements like learning to walk and tying my shoes.
  2. Remember this affirmation: “it is OKAY to get it wrong.” You will find the right way eventually.
  3. Whenever something does not go as I had planned, I can neutralize it. I realize that it is simply something that happened.

The next step I will share with you in Confidence #4 post is Clear, Confident Decision Maker. We have connected with the part of us that puts fear and failure into its proper perspective. Now, we are moving into Clear, Confident Decision Making. Here, we will offer a simple strategy. This strategy is powerful for making decisions. These decisions are in service to the highest good. We have used this skill many times without even realizing it. The good news is, we will now know what it really is. We will also know how to develop and strengthen it. Just a little secret I want to share with you… it only takes practice!

Here’s to GROWING and STRENGTHENING our AUTHENTIC Self-Confidence, with wisdom, power, passion, and purpose!!

Holly

Posted in Confidence

Understanding Confidence #2: Empowering Your Growth

Posted on by HOLLY STEVENS

Each time we face our fear, we gain strength, courage and confidence in the doing.

Theodore Roosevelt

Now that we are clear about what True Authentic Self-Confidence is, we understand what it is not. We also know where it comes from. We understand that we all feel a lack of confidence at times. This often happens when we try something new. Fear can cause us to stop moving forward, yet, we can have fear WITHOUT fear having us! Confidence is not the absence of fear – it is continuing to grow and move forward despite the fear. We can grow and strengthen our confidence muscles by doing things that scare us. And we can also learn to step into fear, and actually befriend it.

We gain new strength when we understand what fear really is. We also gain strength by understanding what confidence really is. This strength overcomes doubts and worries. These are the doubts and worries that have kept us stuck in our current circumstances. Knowing confidence is NOT the absences of fear. Self-Confidence is growing and moving PAST FEAR, and towards our calling from the Infinite.

We recall moments of achievement. These arise when we look back over our lives. This happened because we took that risk, and we SUCCEEDED! Taking action is sometimes the greatest satisfaction, especially when we are doing it afraid. Fear is a real part of life. No one doesn’t face fear in their life. We must understand, fear is not just a phobia of spiders, snakes, bugs, etc. Fear can be a fear of heights or confined spaces. It can manifest in being in front of people or even driving on an unknown road. The fear we experience most of the time is much more subtle. It steals our confidence. Sometimes we aren’t even fully aware of it. It keeps us stuck. It causes us to question ourselves, thoughts of “what if I’m not good enough?”, “What if I don’t like what I learn about myself?”, “what if others don’t agree?”, “Is this really even possible?”. We MUST REMEMBER we are NOT ALONE feeling this way.

As we pursue our passion and purpose in our life, we long to live a life we love. We will face new territory. There will be new people, new places, and different ‘things’ we have never experienced before. This can make us feel afraid to take the next step. The TRUTH is, we ALL feel a lack of confidence when trying something new. Fear creates a physical and emotional response. These responses can cause us to stop moving forward. Unfortunately, up until now, we have let them. Now that we have a better understanding of Self-Confidence, we realize it is our connection to the Infinite. We KNOW we have CONFIDENCE already WITHIN US. We can befriend fear, move beyond it, and continue moving forward with passion and purpose. THERE IS A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN US HAVING FEAR, AND FEAR HAVING US!

This my friends is how we GROW CONFIDENCE muscles! We do the things that scare us. Continually pushing through challenges. By doing so, leading us to a higher version of our SELF. When we step into our greatness, we will undoubtedly have fear. Still, we CAN make friends with that fear. This creates another stepping stone in our path or a brick in our foundation. The One breathing us will ALWAYS help us find the confidence and courage when WE SEEK IT.

Here is a recap of what I have learned, utilizing myself and also want to share with you so you can do the same:

  • I grow MY CONFIDENCE by feeding MY FAITH and starving my fear.
  • The voice of fear is ALWAYS the voice of contraction, living a smaller version of myself.
  • Knowing and believing that Confidence is my birthright.
  • To pursue my purpose and passion, is not only reaching for the goal, it is achieving strength in my confidence.
  • I can feel the fear and do it anyway!
  • Fear is in the future. Doubt is from the past. Worry is the misuse of my imagination. CONFIDENCE IS IN ME ALWAYS!
  • Fear is actually the border of the reality that I know.
  • With my growing, expanding confidence, I have learned the difference between having fear and fear having me.
  • I must be aware that fear speaks through distraction, dissuasion and distress.
  • Fear is my companion as I grow, and I CAN make friends with that voice of fear!

There are a couple of things that were suggested that I do when I feel that fear is “moving in”

  1. Write down my fear thoughts, and ask myself “Is that actually happening RIGHT NOW?”
  2. Engage with gratitude! Which choices can I be grateful for in THIS MOMENT?

I will share the next step in the Confidence #3 post: Turning Obstacles into Opportunities. We have identified our Authentic Self-Confidence. We know it’s a trustworthy source. Fear has absolutely no hold on us. Ask yourself this: Can we take our experience of “failure” and use it for growth? Can it expand our confidence to pursue our purpose and passion? Failure is nothing to be ashamed of; it is nothing less than a stepping stone. Were you a failure every time you fell down while learning to walk? Absolutely not! We can be inspired by some of the most famous failure-to-success stories out there.

Here’s to learning to FEED OUR FAITH, and starve our fear!!

Holly

Posted in Confidence

Unshackling Authentic Self-Confidence: A Journey Within

Posted on by HOLLY STEVENS

Where does your feeling of confidence come from? The ring on your finger? the vehicle you drive, your job title? your education? your parents/children’s status/success? the physical possessions you have? Where you live? your community status quo?

OR

Does your confidence come from within YOU? Knowing your physical being is in regular close connection with your spiritual being. Understanding your purpose in life. Knowing who you are with confidence lets you overcome fears. You learn from failures and make important decisions along the way. These empower you to create a life you love living. You understand your DNA of Authentic Self-Confidence. You know the truth of who you are. You feel comfortable and at ease in all areas of your life, no matter what.

Today’s society has a misconception of true authentic self-confidence and living from an external ego. Keeping up with the latest and greatest technology for our kids and ourselves to be {the new} social. I’m not referring to the need for technology for academics and work. Having the latest and greatest social apps so we can communicate 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Without eye contact, body language, and not knowing how to act when “in true person.” We post pictures that are ‘photoshopped’. We hope to never show our authentic, true selves. We do this because we never match up to the techno version we’ve created and put out there. Still, that “gap” WILL catch us. We won’t or can’t ever match up to the electronic version. Whether we are aware of it, it is riding on and in us consciously or unconsciously. It leads us to live in a world based on ego and defensiveness. We are running from ourselves or even trying to catch ourselves. This creates a double battle within us 24 hours a day, 7 days a week…

As my Mentors and Life Coaches have shared with me… I would like to share with you:

Some days we feel like we are on top of and can conquer the world! Other days, we don’t even want to get out of bed. We’ve all felt that way before. What is the difference between those kinds of days? Quite often, it is the degree of self-confidence we are feeling at that time. Many factors can influence how we feel about ourselves. They also impact our ability to do the things we want to do. It can be as simple as a ‘bad hair day.’ It can also be as tough as ‘feeling the pressure’ of living up to other’s expectations. These expectations include those we’ve put out there ourselves. There is a way to keep those outside influences from impacting our self-image and self-confidence. We can have more days when we feel powerful and unstoppable from within ourselves. We CAN live with AUTHENTIC SELF-CONFIDENCE empowering ourselves to love life, and love living life.

I have been taught by my teachers, mentors, and coaches. Life has also taught me through hard knocks. The truth is that we are spiritual beings who have a human experience. It is part of life that someone will say something insensitive to us that hurts our feelings or embarrasses us. The natural human response is to feel slighted or deeply hurt. It can sometimes snowball. Those unkind words play on repeat in our own minds. They develop other not-so-pleasant thoughts about themselves. This process tears down our self-esteem. Our self-image can also be affected by the perceptions we have. These perceptions come from experiences in our childhood. They can be both positive and negative. The key is: not to allow criticism or shame to become a part of our belief in ourselves. To achieve this, we need to understand who we are at our core. We should live from this core as often as possible. Let it become our pervasive thought process. It means we connect with our inner being. We recognize the Infinite side of us. We always know we are truly more than any situation, circumstance, or condition that we face. Living the absolute best we can, in any given moment, no matter what is coming AT us. Remembering, a boat can’t sink unless the water gets inside.

Our physical being must be closely connected with our spiritual being. This connection helps us gain a better understanding of our purpose in life. Authentically knowing who we are builds confidence. It empowers us to overcome fears and learn from failures. This knowledge helps us make important decisions. It also allows us to love life and love the life we are living. When we understand the DNA of Authentic Self-Confidence, we know the truth of who we are. We can feel comfortable in all areas of our life. We stay authentically self-confident, no matter what is coming at us.

When we commit to taking time to connect with the Power breathing us each day, we gain authentic confidence. This confidence allows us to look fear in the face. We can then do nothing less than become friends with it. We must always know that fear doesn’t mean we can’t, it only means we haven’t. Confidence comes only after we choose to do what we were once afraid to do.

Self-confidence grows from the seeds planted and harvested of overcoming challenges and failures, turning obstacles into opportunities. We must accept and be empowered by defeat, without being defeated. Failure is nothing more than feedback, it is actually showing us there is another way to do things.

As we make a daily decision to take action, building our Authentic Self-Confidence, we will realize Confidence is a choice. We have supreme authority over our OWN DECISIONS. We have dominion over our OWN THOUGHTS. Our THOUGHTS affect our FEELINGS, and in turn, our ACTIONS, creating our RESULTS. We are responsible and ‘RESPONSE-ABLE’ for every single thought we think, and move we make. We can be clear and confident in our decision making. Realize that Authentic Self-Confidence is the trait that transforms thoughts into action. This leads to the results we want! We confidently know there are no ‘shortcuts’. We must do confidently what is necessary for ourselves, no matter what anyone else thinks. This allows us to be the best we can be and create the authentic life we want.

You absolutely can grow Authentic Self-Confidence! All that is required is that you pay attention to YOUR ‘Inner Voice’. It all begins on the inside – inside of YOU!

How do you do that? You ask this question just as I was allowed to do. The first step is creating an understanding of what Authentic Self-Confidence is and is not. I will be sharing what I have learned in the next five posts about:

  • What I have learned about the truth about the source of where self-confidence comes from. Discovering what Confidence is, and is not. How to respond when Self-confidence takes a “hit”. Let it propel me towards a loving life. It should not derail me.
  • Stepping out of the comfort zone, doing it with confidence. Allowing authentic Confidence to overcome the fears that used to get in the way.
  • Changing perspective on failures in the past, now, and future. Everyone experiences failure in life. My response to the circumstances is what makes the difference in life.
  • I have been taught what the key is to making any important decision. I have made the most important decision in my life. I gained a new understanding to help me make any future choice with clarity and confidence.
  • This experience has brought me back full circle to the core of my Self-Confidence. I know that my Authentic Self is NOT made by the opinions of others. It is rather shaped from the inside out of ME. I received a secret formula. I have implemented it into my life. Some of the world’s most famous people have used this formula to create immense success in their lives and businesses.

I look forward to continuing my journey into greater Authentic Self-confidence and sharing these skills and outcomes with you. I have been blessed with many failures in my life. These failures have created stepping stones for me. At the time, I do not imagine those failures as blessings. I have been blessed with amazing mentors, coaches, therapists, pastors, and friends. Confidantes and many others have helped me, too. They have helped me recognize the stepping stones and lay them on the correct path. This has helped build the foundation for MY Authentic Core Self, creating Authentic Self-Confidence. I can only give because of what I have received. I strongly want to give others the blessings I have received…

To Your Authentic Core Self, having Authentic Self-Confidence

Holly